live, on board, from the future ...

so much to choose
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live, on board, from the future ...

Post: # 1681Post drib »

I've never posted a live blog before, so please excuse me if this is not as coherent as you would like.

Where do I begin?


Day 0.

Daylight come and me want to board my home for the next ten days.

It is Tuesday, March 31, 2020, and I must wait until tomorrow to board The Most Luxurious Ship Ever Built (TMLSEB, pronounced tuh-mille-es-seb) - Perfected (P, pronounced pee). I can see her from my hotel window, and she looks Splendid. That's no Banana Boat out there!

This will be her Maiden Voyage, embarking from Monte Carlo, en route to Venice.

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Re: live, on board, from the future ...

Post: # 1682Post drib »

Day 1.

The embarkation process for guests in suites A through H was smooth and quick. As expected, I had to pass through a security scanner at the end of the gangway. Unexpected, was that there were two scanners there: one the familiar airport style, and the other a new, liposuction scanner. I decided to wait until after Rome to start using the Lipo-Scan, but still, many guests were pleased to be able to shed a little excess before boarding.

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Card Keys Out; Cartier Bracelets In. You would expect no less from TMLSEB-P. Everyone is given a bracelet which acts as their room key, yes, but it's so much more. The bracelet contains your personal preferences which are then reflected throughout the ship. For example, in the main dining room tonight, I was automatically given the "all gelato" menu, independent mood lighting, and a view of Charlize Theron! (Nubile Charlize from The Cider House Rules)

My suite, an inverted F7, was full of pleasant surprises. The commode is out on the balcony where it belongs. There were foot-rest bars in all four corners of the dedicated shower (P!). There are no less than 64 USB ports in the suite, plus several Firewire, Ethernet and RJ45 ports, both serial and parallel ports, a dozen female RCA ports, six PS2 ports, eighth-inch jack inputs, quarter-inch jack inputs, and three HDMI ports to nowhere. I asked for, and received, a pillow from the Pillow Guy on TV, who delivered it to my suite in person. (Not me, but some guests thought he was kind of creepy.)

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Hits and Misses from Day 1:

Doubles

Gelato-glazed sea bass.

Stolen Base

Mobility scooters have been replaced by super slim, autonomous, mini Harley-Davidsons. (They can be stored practically anywhere.)

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Homeruns

Guests staying in Concierge suites, D and E, can go to reception, 15 minutes before the start of Trivia, and receive a henna tattoo with the correct answers. (Finally, a Concierge benefit with value!) If I had known this before I booked, I would have upgraded to an inverted E.

Pop Flies

Several frequent guests on TMLSEB were confused by the atrium on TMLSEB-P, and they walked splat into the elevators, like birds into plate glass, some more than once.

Out on Dribbler (Fielding Chart X)

Reggienuts, a comic strip on the back page of the Ship's daily paper, sneaks up on you like Mickey Rivers walking to the batter's box. It is illustrated by someone who cannot draw, and is not even funny.

Fumbles

Guests in named suites can skip the embarkation process entirely - they are teleported directly into their suites. Most of these fortunate guests appreciated this efficiency, which literally saved them 180,000 milliseconds. However, a confidential source told me that some of their noses were reassembled slightly to the left of where they ought to be. These guests, I'm told, will receive their choice of up to $500 on-board credit, or an original, personal, Picasso-like portrait, for their inconvenience.

Master Suite John
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Coming up next, Day 2 from the Stugots 3!

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live, on board, from the future (addenda) ...

Post: # 2683Post drib »

Some added context ...

The two posts, above, are identical to those posted on that other cruise message board on March 31, 2018. I don't remember what about it became contentious - I neglected to save it under "This is the Title." But the moderators over there locked the thread. I see that there is still a post there, by mrlevin, with reference to Fare Compare, so maybe there was added discussion about Fare Compare that alarmed the moderators.

I may have written the thread here, as a draft, before copying and posting it over there.

I modified the last graphic, to add the memoriam, months later. I modified it again when MalbecWine bit the board dust. The mods on that other message board hate when I do that!

Even though the thread is closed on that other cruise message board, today, it remains the most viewed thread on the Regent forum. The view count is 86,242 as I write.

most views

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